You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
