he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
