if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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