I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
