how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
