Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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