Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what day is it and did you see me today?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
