I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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