i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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