I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
