So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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