I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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