the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
