her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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