Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
