I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
