Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
