I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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