cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
