Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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