Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
