He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
