She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
