It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
