she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
