I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
