i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
