Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Randomize
