Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
