Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
