Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize