i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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