somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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