dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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