Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
