You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
