i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
