My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think my moral compass just broke
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
