a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
