you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
