I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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