I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
