If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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