Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
