I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
