his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
