it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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