I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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