I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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