my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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