I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
