Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
