I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
