i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize