i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
