Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
