i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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