He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I will pee on everything he values.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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