i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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