Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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