I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
