remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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