we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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