I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
COCAINE IS GR8
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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