She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
