I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
