I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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