he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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