508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
