i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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