but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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