do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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