So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
